Vaginas are gross

Georgia O’Keeffe’s vivid portrayal of the vulva as most closely approximating a flower in both real life and on a purely symbolic level is a rather quite humorous analogy that can only bring laughter to the face of any sane man; however, to believe such a thing is to be under the influence of self-delusion. As a matter of fact, the vagina is a dank, slimy hole that resembles a pair of lips spotted with cold sores. As is well known to all who have been exposed to one, this filthy orifice is capable of emitting a tremendous stink so powerful that those who approach it are immediately paralyzed by both nausea and fear. The vagina is a vile, filthy piece of genital tissue; only someone who was clearly sick in the head would derive any pleasure from staring at one; even the great psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud admitted to how grossly assymetrical the vulva is on an anatomical level and freely described it as a thing that was the very obverse of beautiful. On the other hand, no one can deny the fact that the female anus is certainly much prettier and more aesthetically pleasing to the eye than the vulva; from a purely hygienic perspective, it is much more sanitary and certainly does not stink as badly. If a woman should take pride in anything, she should take pride in her anus, which is smooth and round, clean and soft, as opposed to the embarrassment of having such a useless, primitive appendage as the vulva between the legs!

The only function that the vagina performs with any degree of efficiency at all is to secrete pus and menstrual blood, mingled with fecal matter and other slime dribbling from the anus, as well as popping out the occasional baby after a brief period of incubation. Otherwise, the vagina is largely a vestigial organ; it is the ultimate mark of both female intellectual and biological inferiority; it is the supreme testimony of the body that bears witness to the female inertia of untold millenia, on (1) a socio-historical level and (2) on the level of intellectual stagnation in terms of action and the gradual development of western philosophical ideas.

In light of the foregoing, anyone can see that the penis is obviously a much superior organ to any vagina. In addition to being a thing of great beauty and convenience, it is also easily stimulated and highly orgasmic, whereas the vulva is frigid and cold, only rarely capable of yielding even the smallest amount of pleasure to those who bear one. The penis is a weapon of conquest and domination, whereas the vagina is an intrument of passivity and submissiveness. The male member is the supreme mechanism of order, by which man, beast, and even the entire universe itself is filtered out from the surrounding chaos, gradually tamed and brought under control. The penis is the source of civilization and culture; science and technology spring from it’s ceaseless activity and high levels of natural aggression. But of what world-historical significance is the vagina, other than for spewing out pus and fecal matter, as well as for whelping infants? Clearly, the fate of the universe hangs on the omnipotent shaft of the male member, and not the bloody, slimy mess produced by a loose vulva.

We should thank the gods on Mount Olympus for the penis, because without it we would be living in grass huts, almost completely naked, scrawling illegible hieroglyphs on cave walls.